marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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