i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
