I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
