he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
