I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
