k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
