I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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