we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
