You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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