i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He felt like a one man threesome
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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