Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
