i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
