so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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