I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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