all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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