I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
