I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
