It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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