I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
