He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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