Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize