how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize