you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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