I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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