can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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