I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
