Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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