I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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