That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
