I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
