shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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