How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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