Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
