I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
