Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
