So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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