i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
