I'm sorry my penis didn't work
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
sex in a hospital.. check
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
