...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
