You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
