Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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