I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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