Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
