Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
