Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
