So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I met the friendliest cop last night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize
