Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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