My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
