one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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