I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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