i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
my poor anus
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
