Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
