There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
