So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
