My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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