Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You made out with two different species that night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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