fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
