I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
