she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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