I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
