I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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