I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
be right there i have to get my cape
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
