Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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