dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
