Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
