guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
